When Love Don't Come Easy

On Monday while David and I were walking to the car after school he was telling me all about how his teacher had them draw names from students in his class. For the person whose name he drew, he would have to write a special Valentine’s note. “But I drew Jordan’s name! It’s gonna be pretty hard to say something nice. He gets on my nerves the MOST!”

Apparently, Jordan invented a game the kids play at lunchtime called, “Cheese Touch”. David explained the game and why he hates it so much. When Jordan yells “Cheese Touch!” everyone is supposed to touch the cheese on their plate then touch the person sitting next to them. “It seems like every day there is cheese in our lunch! I just ignore him. I don’t play Cheese Touch when he yells it; then he laughs at me.”

All the way home David struggled with what to write in Jordan’s Valentine. He said, “I could tell him that he’s good at making up games . . .but that would just encourage him!”

Well, last night at dinner David made an important announcement. “I finally found something nice to say in Jordan’s Valentine note! I wrote, ‘Dear Jordan, you are very creative. Happy Valentine’s Day’.”

Not everyone in our life is easy to love. There might even be people who are down right annoying! Just remember that Romans 5:8 says “God demonstrated His great love for us; in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” He didn’t cast us out, He doesn’t just tolerate us or try to make us feel better about ourselves; He made us loveable. Jesus put the love in our heart . . . give some of His Love away today. 

Maui Time

Chad and me in New Orleans

Tomorrow Chad and I will celebrate the 10^th anniversary of our engagement. Ten years ago, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to drive from Amarillo to Dallas to meet him for a surprise Valentine’s date he had planned for us. When I arrived, he took me to the airport where we flew to New Orleans. A limo picked us up in New Orleans and drove us to a beautiful dinner aboard the Creole Queen. After dinner he proposed, and I said, “YES!”

When it came to planning our honeymoon Chad spent months planning a trip to Maui, Hawaii. Having spent three years on Oahu as a Marine, he had made a trip to Maui to explore the island before and he couldn’t wait to show me around. We arrived in Maui after dark, and drove off in a rented convertible. The moon was shining on the water as we drove around the mountain to the guesthouse where we’d be staying the next few days. I thought I was living in the middle of a dream.

We spent the first two days, swimming in the ocean and driving around the island. We even took the helicopter tour across beautiful pineapple fields and waterfalls that can only be seen from the air.

On the next to last day of our trip we planned to drive the road to Hana. The Hana Highway is a 50 mile long stretch of road. Even though it is only 50 miles it takes an entire day to navigate the 600 hair pin turns. Parts of this twisty turning road narrows to one lane and there is no shoulder to speak of, just sheer cliffs off the side of the most lush and beautiful mountains in the world. The drive is the experience. The road leads to a small village with one gas station, maybe two restaurants and some lodging.

We were so excited to take the drive. To get the full experience we popped in the CD with all the historical information narrated by the soothing native woman’s voice. Chad and I laughed as the woman’s dramatic greeting came through the speakers. “Welcome to the beautiful journey!” she went on to name all of the flora we were seeing and smelling. Our hair, or my hair, was blowing in the wind. Everything was absolutely beautiful.

 

Just before we jumped out to climb into the waterfall, our tour guide stopped to remind us to enjoy every moment, “Just remember,” she soothed “you are now on Maui time.”  The pace of Maui time is just before a full stop. It’s not just going at one’s own pace, it’s relaxing, breathing, taking in the moment with all five senses.

We finally made it to the town of Hana, enjoyed a relaxing meal; then began our journey back around the mountain. About two miles into the drive a guy swung into our lane head on. We were on the outside lane hugging the edge of a mountain. When Chad swerved to the side of the road to avoid a head on collision, we heard a big “CLUNK” and realized we had hit the rocky edge of the road.

Chad pulled the car over to the side of the road to inspect the tires only to realize both tires on the passenger side of the car were blown out. To make things worse we didn’t have the rental car insurance. When we called the rental company they said we’d have to arrange for a tow. We found that the companies who were willing to tow a car on the Hana highway wanted a hefty price.

Chad hung up the phone with the tow company and came to sit in the driver’s seat of the rental car. He turned the key to start the A/C while we thought about our options. On came the pre-recorded tour guide with her silky smooth voice reminding us to take in the beauty all around us because, as she had reminded us all along the way, “You are now on Maui time”.

It turns out that having two blow outs on your car is just as stressful in Maui as it is anywhere, and while there is never a good time or place, the next to last day of your honeymoon and on a treacherous road is not ideal. We went from having the best time to working through a whole series of difficult decisions.

Our fun in Maui was cut short since our minds were now preoccupied with the damages to the car. Our circumstances changed, but Maui stayed the same.

God has a plan, and while He may involve us in one part of this plan for a season, His plan is much more grand and beautiful than what I can see right in front of me. No matter what my circumstances dictate, God stays the same.  He is still on His throne and it serves me well to come back often to the realization of being on “God’s time”. Everyday, I can either choose to trust and obey, or frustrate myself by living short-sighted.

If I could choose today, I’d take the road to Hana again, blowouts and all - just to be in Maui with Chad living on “Maui time”.

I'll Never Know How Much It Cost

When I was seven years old my dad was pastor at Muldoon Denali Baptist Church in Anchorage, Alaska. In the summer our family would go to Victory Bible Camp for a retreat. The campground was surrounded by beautiful mountain ranges. There were horses to ride and other activities, but the thing I remember the most was the concession stand.

Our family stayed in one of the pastor’s cabins. Across from the cabin was a playground. Just a short walk from the playground was the Victory Bible Camp concession stand. The second morning we were at the camp we had settled in to the cabin, dad took me for a short walk to show me the little store. He walked up to the counter and made an arrangement with the cashier to allow my brothers and I to charge snacks on an account in his name. He agreed to pay the bill at the end of the week.

The little store was so convenient, and being only seven, I was not used to having the freedom to walk places on my own. Everyday during our stay a few times . . . or maybe more like several times a day, my brothers and I would walk to the store and “load up” were the exact words my dad would later use, on snacks, drinks, toys, and other junky souvenirs.

Seriously, it was the most fun I can remember having. As I sit here writing, I’m struggling to remember anything else about our week at Victory Bible Camp other than going crazy at the concession stand.

I also vividly remember the part when the bill came due. It was the typical, last day packing for the trip home scene. There were overfilled suitcases being loaded up in the trunk, mom was checking all the dresser drawers and under the bed to make sure nothing was left behind. It was just about time to load up in the car and I heard dad say, “Diana, I’m going to go pay the store.”

I walked with dad to the store. The lady behind the counter got down her little red plastic box where she filed away all the 3x5 cards. She flipped through the alphabetical tabs until she came to “L” and there was the card. It said, “Lane, Don E.” and on that card was a detailed account of all of the purchases made by my brothers and me during the length of our stay.

There was complete silence as my dad surveyed the damage. He looked down at me, all decked out in my red VICTORY BIBLE CAMP hooded sweatshirt, sipping water from my VICTORY BIBLE CAMP insulated mug. It was all over me what I had done and now the bill was due. I couldn’t see the amount of the bill, but I could see that the blood had drained from my dad’s face. He wasn’t happy. Still, he paid the debt and I went free. I’m sure it crossed his mind to leave me at the camp to be used as an indentured servant until I had worked off the 24 Butterfingers I bought. But he didn’t, he paid the debt and loaded me up in the car to go home.

This morning I was struggling. Something in my heart was just not right. God was convicting me and I didn’t want to call it out for what it was. SIN. I asked the Lord what I needed to do about it and He directed my heart to Psalm 32.

Blessed is the one
 whose transgressions are forgiven,


whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the one
 whose sin the Lord does not count against them


and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.

For day and night
 your hand was heavy on me;


my strength was sapped
 as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
 and did not cover up my iniquity.


I said, “I will confess
 my transgressions to the Lord.”


And you forgave
 the guilt of my sin.

Reading this Psalm was like drinking a glass of cool water. Here I am all wrapped up in my sin and the Lord has already paid the debt. I have to turn it over to Him, accept His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy if I want to stay within the sound of His voice.  The rest of the Psalm reads:

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;


surely the rising of the mighty waters
 will not reach them.

You are my hiding place;
 you will protect me from trouble
   

 and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;


I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding


but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked, 

but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.

Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;


sing, all you who are upright in heart!

There is a wonderful worship chorus that we sing at Truth that says, “I’ll never know how much it costs to see my sin upon that cross.” I’ll never understand why God allows His children to enjoy the depth and the fullness of His faithful love while He bore the burden of our sin on the cross. In return He asks me to serve Him in all of my brokenness so He might be glorified. So, to live this way will be my response.

Helping in the Kitchen

Having three kids close in age has made for a pretty intense seven years. Just four years ago, David still had a paci, Sean was still in pull ups and drinking from a bottle and Ruby was nursing and in diapers. 

About the time we out-grow a phase with one child it seems to manifest itself in the next child. Yesterday,  for the first time in a while,  I had to dust off the old, "I don't understand whiney talk" act and use it on Ruby. 

When Chad and I decided to have children closely spaced, each one about  20 months apart, we talked about how much fun it would be when they were older. We had visions of extended sailing expeditions and fun weekend adventures. Those hopes are still alive and kindled each day as we see the kids maturing and becoming more self sufficient.

Today I was inspired by a little sign of growth. 

We had done after school snacks, folded a load of laundry while David read his library book to Sean, signed off on homework; then it was time to start dinner. 

The boys took off on their bikes. 

Ruby came to me in the kitchen, put her hand on her hip and said, "Okay Mom, what can I do to HELP you?" 

Usually, while cooking I'm hurried and distracted giving only one word responses to kid questions and requests for snacks.  This time Ruby  had  my attention. 

With tears in my eyes looking down at my new little helper I picked her up off the ground to give her a big hug. "would you like to set the table?" I asked. She said, "Well, sure!" and proceeded to put the paper plates, napkins and forks on the table in every configuration. It was a beautiful mess, and it reminded me how I learned to serve in the kitchen by my mother's side. 

Is there any better sign of maturity than to become a helper? It means we are able to take our minds off our self for a moment and think about another person. 

 When I feel overwhelmed, my prayers become all about "asking" and at times even begging.  While God is always patient and loving with me, I wonder how much He must long for me to come  before His throne and ask "where can I be your hands and feet today? Who can I encourage for you today? Put me to work building your Kingdom Lord!"

God your child is listening, let me be a part of the work you are doing today. 

Fellowship

At lunch today, David and Sean were discussing the topic of swimming. David was telling Sean he needed to learn how to swim. Sean insisted he already knew how to swim. “NO! All you do is doggy paddle, like this!”  David said, while frantically flailing his arms around like a puppy dog.

Even though Sean was laughing, I took the opportunity to turn this discussion into a teachable moment. “David, you still doggy paddle most of the time.” I said  “Daddy taught you how to swim. Now you need to encourage Sean to get better. Is this how you would want to be encouraged?” To which David replied, “I don’t need to be encouraged! I know all about swimming!”

Chad and I immediately busted out laughing as soon as the outrageous statement was made. But the words, "I don't need to be encouraged" resounded in my heart. "Wow!" I thought, "How many times have I told myself that lie?" 

It might sound funny coming from a pastor’s daughter and from a person who drags people out of the comfort of their home on a regular basis to come to Sunday services; but the hardest thing for me to do after moving to Oklahoma was to attend church. In my mind, my relationship with God was fine and I could certainly get past my heartache without the help of anyone else. If God had not softened my heart, and my loving husband hadn’t dragged me from place to place until we found a church home, I was headed for spiritual defeat. 

Jesus never intended for any of His followers to be self-reliant. Our need for each other is by His design. It is necessary for our growth as Christians to be in regular fellowship with other Christians; to be surrounded by other Christ followers who we can strive and grow with, who we are praying and serving beside and in whom we can confide.

Hebrews 3:13 reminds us of the dangers of becoming a “Lone Christian”,  “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.”

Denying my need for the encouragement of other Christians might have made way for the hardening of my heart to God’s leading, thus stunting my spiritual growth. It was only after Chad and I began to experience spiritual healing that God began to really reveal the ministry He has instore for us, here in Oklahoma City.

Hebrews 10:25 says, “Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together . . . but exhorting one another: and so much the more as you see the day approaching.” The commentary on this passage from Barne’s Notes explains the meaning beautifully, “There is an obvious propriety that people should assemble together for the worship of the Most High, and no Christian can hope that his graces will grow, or that he can perform his duty to his Maker, without uniting thus with those who love the service of God.”

I’m thankful for a Heavenly Father who is swift to correct my arrogant heart, and for a church family who we can grow in grace with; “. . .Even as we see the day of the Lord approaching.” 

Home From the War

For the last two weeks we’ve been moving and unpacking boxes. Some of the boxes had things in them that I haven’t unpacked for almost two years. One of the treasures I found was a portrait of my grandmother, Mary Sue. It is a photograph taken in a park in downtown Amarillo on her graduation day. I was so proud to find the perfect spot in our new home to hang her picture.

My Mema told me lots of stories when I was growing up about how she would make a big deal about special events. There was always a new dress, new flowers and a  trip to the beauty shop involved.

My favorite story was about how she prepared for my Pepa to come home from WWII. They married after her high school graduation; then not long after, Pepa joined the army. He spent a lot of his time in Japan after the war had ended climbing into the caves to tell the Japanese soldiers in hiding that the war had ended.

While Pepa was in Japan, Mema worked to make their first home and she told me about how she put their names on the list to own a car once production began. She was so proud to tell Douglas (as she called him)  about all she had done. When word came that Pepa would be arriving the next day on the train, Mema went shopping.

She bought a new dress, new hat and had her hair done. “Mother and Daddy drove me to meet Douglas at the train.” She remembered. “Douglas, anxious to be home, tried to catch an earlier train. The only problem was this train got delayed.”

Mema waited all day at the train station before receiving word that Pepa wouldn’t be arriving until the next day. She described how her disappointment turned into anger,  “I fumed all the way while Mother and Daddy drove me home. I went in my room, threw down my new dress and hat and told daddy, ‘He’s just going to have to find another ride home tomorrow!’”

Her mother and daddy (as she called them) wasted no time giving her a straight talking to. “Mary Sue!” they said, “You’re husband has been away AT WAR! Now he’s coming home to you. Tomorrow you will put that dress and hat back on and MEET HIM AT THE TRAIN!”

The next day when they arrived at the station, there he was, the man Mema described as, “The most handsome man she’d ever seen.” And she sure was glad she didn’t make him catch a cab home.  

Getting Some Air

Two weeks ago Chad and I had the opportunity to meet an awesome young couple for lunch in Tulsa, OK. They are also stepping out in faith to minister in their apartment community. On our way back from Tulsa we received a call from some men who want to direct support our way. They asked to meet us up at the room for a tour of our facility.

My mom was in town for a short visit and had picked up the kids from school. She had already started dinner, so I headed down to the room to meet up with Chad who was already visiting with our guests.

I had just introduced myself when T.J. walked up. T.J. is in our youth group and has been under conviction for months. She’s made some poor decisions and is now fearful of the consequences.

The week before, while helping to set up for a babysitting class, T.J. began asking questions about the Bible. She actually opened a Bible and said, “I’m gonna see how much you really know, Miss Anna!”  She randomly landed her finger on the passage where Jesus was talking to the woman at the well. I explained the story to her and told her how Jesus wants her to have a new life in Him. She laughed and sarcastically responded, “I’ll do that later Miss Anna. I have plans for the weekend.”

When she showed up at the church again, I excused myself from Chad and our guests expecting to only be a few minutes. We stepped outside and I asked her how she was doing. She started to tear up and said, “I just needed some air.” She went on to say many of the same things I’ve heard her say before. She is a burdened young lady and the weight of her sin and fear get a little heavier every day.

We sat down at the patio table and after listening for a while I asked if she had thought any more about our earlier discussion. She said she’d been thinking about what it meant to have Jesus as Lord of her life. I asked her if she wanted to pray, confessing her sins and accepting Salvation through Jesus Christ. She said no, looked at her feet and confessed “I’m afraid it won’t work.”

God gave me the words to reassure her that her problems would not be solved over night, but as a child of God she will be able to hold on to what is promised in His word. She’ll receive forgiveness from the sin weighing her down. The Holy Spirit of God will come in and equip her to live a new life in Christ. “You’ll begin a new life with the Lord as your guide and He will bless you as His daughter.” I explained

I was determined to not ask her again if she was ready. We just sat in silence until she demanded, “I’m waiting for you to ask me one more time to pray. I’m ready! Let’s get this done!”  She prayed, honestly confessing her sin and humbly asking for forgiveness. She asked Jesus to be the Lord of her life and thanked Him for saving her.

We lifted our heads, and I shared how she can look back on May 14^th 2012 as the day she gave her heart and life to Jesus and was born again. “You have and new birthday! A fresh start!” I said. Then she smiled. I haven’t seen this girl smile in weeks. She looked like a huge weight had been lifted.

The next day T.J. called. “What you doin’ miss Anna?!” She asked cheerfully.  I told her about spending time with my mom and asked her how her day had been. “Good! I talked to my mom about last night.” She said “I told her that I have a new birthday and it’s May 14^th! That’s the day I’ve been born again.”    

T.J.’s struggles are not over. She had a court date today and could be facing three months in jail for truancy and shoplifting charges. Everyday she calls to update me on her progress as she negotiates with her probation officer. She reminds me every time we talk of her “new birthday”. She’s not afraid to face her life anymore, because she knows she’s not alone.

Born again. A new sister in Christ, redeemed and made new by the sacrifice of Jesus. I’m thankful The Holy Spirit directs our paths and allows us to participate in His life changing work.